Sunday Sundries: Irritating Insomnolence
Apparently I'll sleep when I'm dead and not before
Hi folks! Welcome back to Sunday Sundries, where I talk about whatever’s on my mind!
Today: insomnia! Let’s see if I can send any of you to sleep.
For adults with a healthy sleep pattern, and a circadian rhythm that they can work with, it should take about 15-20 minutes to fall asleep—so says all the sleep sources I can read (like this one). I outright ENVY you, if you are one of those people. I have never been one of those people. Not even as a kid. I could never get to sleep easily. I have short periods when I sleep within an hour or two, and occasionally I’ll be exhausted enough to simply crash, but a regular ability to get to sleep? Nope.
The fun part is that, especially as I get older, I can’t function unless I have enough sleep. Enough here meaning a minimum 6/7 hours. That makes me vaguely functional. I generally do best with 9-10 hours but, y’know, good fuckin luck, right?
So, always insomnia. But then, I’d get bouts of what I named Epic Insomnia, where for days or weeks on end I’d be awake well past dawn. Then I’d be knackered, unable to function, and while I would occasionally hit crash point, generally I’d just have to wait it out. But it was probably only 2 or 3 times a year, so I’d just live with it and do my best.
But now? Now. I haven’t slept properly in months. The Epic Insomnia arrived, and has just refused to leave. Every couple of weeks I tend to hit the crash point, sleep for a couple of nights out of sheer exhaustion, and then begin again.
Ask me about sleep hygiene and regular bed habits, I dare you. I will list every single thing I’ve tried in my entire life at you if you do. Bed and up at the same time, screens off, not eating, exercising, not exercising, not drinking, drinking too much, hot chocolate, ensuring my environment is controlled and comfortable, resetting...
I’ve worn a sleep mask and earplugs my entire adult life. I have specific ways in which I set pillows and blankets and everything around me. I take my meds on time, especially the ones intended to sedate me a little. I practice anti-anxiety tricks, meditation, etc.
I simply cannot ever sleep regularly within 15-20 minutes of going to bed, and for the last…I’m gonna say maybe 6 months, I’ve seen the sun come up way more times than I haven’t.
It sucks. Insomnia sucks. Epic Insomnia is a shitty thing. So, eventually, I asked to speak to my GP.
He gave me some stuff called Promethazine, which is an anti-histamine, meant to also prevent sickness, and, more specifically in my case, meant to make you drowsy. Basically it’s the stuff they put in Night Nurse, only mine is twice the strength.
Been taking it every night, as instructed: take 20 minutes before bed, you should be drowsy in 30.
Excuse me here while I laugh hysterically.
Yeah, it hasn’t worked for shit.
I’ll keep taking it, just in case, but I’ll speak to my GP again as he requested if it continues to not work. Unfortunately, his secondary idea involves changing up one of my brain meds to give me something that still does anti-anxiety and anti-depressant, but also does sedating (sertraline to mirtazapine). Which would put me on 3 things that are meant to help me sleep.
My brain does not seem to work the way my brain is supposed to work… For many things that’s fine. For getting sleep? Not so much!
On the other hand, I can get up to some good stuff while not asleep. I can get story ideas, I can write a bit, etc, and while usually I won’t get far before I wind up sat there, staring blankly, because I’m too tired to Thing, occasionally trying them will help my brain go “Hang on, I’m too tired for this, let’s go to sleep.” Then it’s a running bet on whether that will translate into actual sleep, or just more tired nothing.
I think Insomnia just isn’t treated as something serious, when it should be. “Oh, you can’t sleep, poor you, boohoo. Often followed by “Just do this and it’ll fix it”.
But it’s actually debilitating. Your mood drops, your memory goes, your ability to focus vanishes. And there’s pretty good evidence that it has a long term affect on physical health as well as mental health. Going too long without proper sleep just messes with everything.
Also, forgot to mention, when I do get to sleep? Pretty sure I get sleep apnea! Cuddles has recorded me as evidence—I breathe/snore, then I stop for anything up to 20 seconds or so. I’m waiting on a sleep clinic appointment but I’ve been waiting for…a while now.
If you have it and it doesn’t go away, try all the sleep hygiene things, sure, but if you can, you should ask a doctor as well. Even if you have to keep annoying them til they do something just to shut you up. It’s not just a sucky thing to lie awake every night, it’s a thing that impacts every part of your life and health.
But hey, at least you know you’re never alone in those darkest reaches of night. Or the dawning morning…
Anyway, that’s all for today. See you next time! Please, please do share and subscribe!
P.S. Supernatural Shenanigans episode 1 is coming to you on Tuesday, along with the new optional pay subscription, with 3 months free to anyone already here on the free sub.
I have sleep apnea and a cpap machine has totally changed my quality of sleep for the better. I’m sorry you’re suffering. 💞✨