Sunday Sundries: Misophonia and you

Not a court in the land would convict us

Hi folks! Welcome back to Sunday Sundries, where I yammer about whatever's on my mind.

This week: misophonia.

If you don't know the word, you might also recognise it as “that sound that inexplicably makes your entire brain flip into adrenalin mode and makes you feel like you want to explode”.

Let me tell you a little more. As always, we begin with the dictionary! Merriam-Webster:

Misophonia (noun)

“a condition in which one or more common sounds (such as the ticking of a clock, the hum of a fluorescent light, or the chewing or breathing of another person) causes an atypical emotional response (such as disgust, distress, panic, or anger) in the affected person hearing the sound”

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misophonia

It wasn't til I was some way into my 20s that I found this word, and thus an explanation for what the fuck was going on whenever I encountered certain sounds.

We all have sounds which bug us. Snoring when you're trying to sleep, noisy traffic, whatever. But in some people, sounds that others find mildly irritating, or not irritating at all, become HUGE problems.

I grew up in a house where I was on the other side of the wall from two snoring parents. And where the same parents ate with their mouths open, making chompy smacking sounds, and where later they added the loud, open-mouthed chewing of gum to the mix.

I suspect it was being stuck with these noises that created the problem, because I was in my teens before I began to have those responses.

To those are now added constant sniffling, any ongoing but unsteady noise (like hoovering), things like tapping, especially if irregular.

But what actually happens? Well…

My heart starts pounding. I break out into a cold sweat. I fill with anger that feels like it's going to explode out of me as liquid fire. My brain just keeps dumping adrenalin into my system over and over.

I have to end the noise, somehow, as quickly as possible, or I can hit a full on panic attack.

If it's a temporary thing and I can leave the room for a bit, I'll often do that. I know I can't politely ask someone to chew with their mouth closed while in that state. If I open my mouth to speak, it'll be more along the lines of “fucking hell can you CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! You're an adult for fuck’s sake and it's fucking gross.”

So I'd much rather leave the room, then politely bring it up later.

Or, if I can catch the eye of my Cuddles—especially if it's a repeat offender—she will do the polite ask immediately. Making that happen permanently isn't really possible though, or at least it never has been. Whoever it is will always need asking again.

My Cuddles is great. She was never actually a gross eater, but if she does start with eating noises, she will check herself the second I ask.

Ditto snoring! Big nope! I cannot deal. I mean, I need quiet to fall asleep in general, and I wear earplugs to facilitate that, but any noise that isn't kind of a white noise (like a fan going in summer), or isn't just one regular note, I cannot deal.

Cuddles is quite happy to be nudged, elbowed, or just shoved over into a different position when she's snoring. She rarely remembers, and when she does it's fine. And if I'm doing annoying snoring, she will do the same in return, and I don't mind either.

Other noises? When the dog and cats clean themselves by licking REALLY LOUDLY! Don't mind quiet cleaning, it's when the cats just get going and have tons of saliva going and I can hear it squish. And the dog…cannot clean quietly, it's impossible.

So that’s how to put me into an irrational rage, anyway…

It’s not like I just hang out waiting to be pulled into rage though. I hate it, and there are some things I can do to mitigate the issue. I can leave the room, as I said above. I can put in earplugs or don headphones and play music or white noise. I can politely move the cats or dog so they clean a bit further away, or just make them quit for a bit (I give them as long as I can because I know they need to).

But I also came here today to offer more than solidarity! Because Science recognises misophonia (or selective sound sensitivity syndrome) as a real issue. That’s not to say your local doctor will know anything, but there are studies and information out there, for example: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/misophonia-sounds-really-make-crazy-2017042111534.

There are some theories now, as to what causes it, but no solid answers as yet. However, the effects are viewable, and the research findings are repeatable, so hopefully there’ll be something more solid to help folk like me soon, because white noise to distract and CBT to control behaviour aren’t actually fixes, just workarounds.

Also, CBT isn’t actually a miracle cure for all things brain. Seriously.

But that’s all for today! Hopefully you either feel less alone with your misophonia, or have found out what it is for the first time, or have gained a better understanding of why someone in your life reacts how they do to certain sounds. I know that just finding out there was a word for it, and that it wasn’t just me, were really helpful, and freed me up to take the next step of figuring out how to mitigate the problem, because I could stop questioning myself over it.

Anyway, go ahead and share this to anyone who might find it useful, and I’m not exactly a scientist but I’m happy to answer any questions I can or help find more info.

Til next time! Drop me a subscribe if you’re new—I’m closing in on my first 100 subs and I’ll have a surprise for you all when I hit it!